All I remember from that August day are those green stress balls all students had received with many other give aways during a student orientation. I remember myself sitting with a group of new acquaintances , and the hands of someone tearing off that stress ball into small pieces. We joked together that day about how already stressed out that person was…
Then August went by, then the whole semester, then the first half of the second semester, and my stress ball was still there, with its green color and its dollar shape as intact as they were the first day. Not that I never stressed out since I came here (how could I not!), but because out of all the possible usages it could have, I was keeping it (with many other items like pens, pen holders etc) as a sample promotional item used for communication campaigns. Yeah, just what a studious Advertising student would do, you would think.
But today was the turn of my dollar-shaped stress ball to do the job it was made for. - or a little bit more. The reason is that today was the last day of a week during which I had one presentation, one mid-term exam (plus one last week), and a quiz (and endless readings, in-class discussions, group meetings, friendship disappointments, AND a dozen summer internship applications with no response). My green stress ball was also called for duty because today I got the scores of one of those mid-terms, and they had nothing to do with what I was aspiring for. Too much for the calm, serene Kaoutar people are used to see.
So being alone at home (fortunately) I just decided to admit that I need an insanity phase, and let myself go… Banging the table, letting out angry shouts, trying to calm myself down, failing, trying to get some relief by crying, but to no avail. All I could get out as usual were 2 drops of tears, and that was it.
Then came the turn of the stress ball. Because squeezing it gave no effect except intensifying the pain I already had in my wrist, I found myself doing exactly what that student was doing back in August. Tearing it up into small green spongy pieces.
Do I feel better? I think I do!