Monday, March 19, 2007

Ownership game

This weekend I had a strange reflection about our tendency to use possessive pronouns with many things which we don’t really possess or control. It seems just obvious to say “my” or “our”, while we’re never sure about who in fact controls the other!!

My mind: Can you really control the way your mind works? Can you stop forgetting what you want to remember, stop remembering what you want to forget? Can you vanquish your fears, program your reactions, or stop analysing/overanalysing things when it’s not for your good to do so? Can you make your mind work the right way at the right moment?

My dreams: By dreams I mean both what we see when we're asleep and the goals we might have in life. The dreams we see during sleep are probably the least thing we could control. Who among us ever wishes to see a nightmare? And who can control what one sees in one’s dreams??

The goals we sometimes call dreams are similarly never ours in the sense that we can never guarantee they will come true. We can work hard for them, plan the way to get them, but there’s always something called faith, qadar, or mektoob having the upper hand on what happens.

My job: I and my job: which of the two controls the other? Who makes the other wake up early in the morning everyday, endure the troubles of transportation, work hard the whole day, work at night sometimes, lose temper and feel depressed and overwhelmed…?

My life: How long we will live, where, and how. The unknown future. It’s also when we talk about life that we talk about the undefeatable giant: time. (And no need to talk about the illusion that I own MY age which never takes my opinion before it decides to increase its figure to a higher one!)

My body: Is “your body” really yours?? Your body never forgets to grow fat if you don’t pay attention to what you eat or don’t practice sports. It is absolutely not you who orders or even reminds your skin to show wrinkles nor your hair to turn white as the years go by. “Your” body can give you pain. It can let you down or prevent you from moving if it decides to do so.

Just a few silly thoughts that crossed “my mind” by a Sunday afternoon…


selma said...

Youpiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!! a new post!!! Ok, im gonna read it now!

selma said...

read it! I'd have added sth about my heart (oh yes, biggest issue ever!'al my heart 'aal!!), my head (who/that wouldnt keep quiet when i need to rest'my' brain cells and get some sleep), my world (not mine at all), my past (filled with bad memories, feelings, pain and people i want to forget).. Gees! so easy to feel bad!! voila! something i own: mon coup de blues :)

Anonymous said...

Who controls everything in this strange world. We have the illusion that we do , but in fact we control very little stuff. Our mind can give us a hard time thinking over and over about ideas that bug us, our body goes wild and starts producing white hair en masse( hadi bayna dertiha 3lia) and let alone our heart who beats without irrspective of whether we wantit to or not.

I think what we can control though is the way way we deal with all the things that we can't control. Learn to become a discovery addict , jump without parachute and you'll find out what i mean.

Yallah, keep up the good job: chkouun 3raf silly thoughts of a sunday afternoon might become a philosophy of life ( what a scary thought!!!!!).

fouad said...

Quiet a conundrum for a sunday afternoon thought:-) Actually there are two of them that you brought up. There's control and there's ownership. It's true we don't have control over many things and facts of our lives but we still own them and it's in owning them that absurdity of the language we use comes to light. It's because we own our hearts, minds...and that we can't control them that we feel so powerless sometimes. Speaking of not being able to control for whom our heart beats, are we sure of that? :-)

selma said...

Mr Fouad:(je ne sé pa si les titres sont de rigueur sur les blogs..mé bon, je prends pas de risk)I strongly believe that we neither DO or CAN control our hearts, otherwise, the following words won't exist: heart break, love from one side, et j'en passe, et j'en passe... ahhhh! l'amour est aveugle (et idiot)..

Kaoutar said...

Selma >>> Yup! it's so easy to feel bad, so don't follow my silly way of overanalysing things!! :)

Anonyme >>> Mousiiiba if this becomes a philosophy of life!!! Overanalysis and insecurity! Chaos! :D

Fouad >>> I totally agree (on the Ownership Vs Control point).But concerning the issue of controlling "our" hearts, I think the answer is no. If you do think you can control that, I would go as far as saying that u're the only lucky owner of a magic recipe!
In other words, start preparing ur business plan, u'd become a billionaire thanks to the recipe! :)

fouad said...

Yes kaoutar, I just graduated from Hogwart school of wichcraft and wizardry and my major was potions so I made myself a potion that allows me to have total control on whom I can or cannot fall in love with. So you think I should sell it? Sounds like a plan. OK now seriously if I'm honest with myself I have no control over my heart and as selma wrote l'amour est aveugle (Allah ye3mih). But, yes there is a but. But I believe that inspite of everything we still can retain control over our feelings like when we choose to keep our distance from a relationship that we know from the begining is doomed. I for myself have done it when I came across some,let's say, dangerous women. What I'm trying to say is that sometimes selfpreservation can be a good motivation for keeping our heart "disciplined".

Kaoutar said...

Hello Fouad Potter! :p

Well, Fouad, I wouldn't deny that we do have "une marge de manoeuvre" (although it is very limited) when it comes to our hearts. You could find urself in a situation where ur only choice is to close the door, or another situation where u willingly choose to open the door.

But this doesn't change the fact that ur magic potion is a rare treasure! :D

Selma >>> See the importance of the "my heart" issue you brought up?? :)

selma said...

Kaoutar// kheli dak jmel ragued!!
Fouad// à combien la potion Mr Potter? c une recette de Dumbledore? ou de Mme Mac Gonagall?

Anonymous said...

non..... pas les recettes de Vous-Savez-Qui??? pitié!!!!!!

fouad said...

Come on!!!! it's Snape's potion.He's the potion class teacher. Anyway writing for my blog this evening about a book I just read I remembered few lines from it that are related to the subject we're discussing here. So in spite of Selma saying "kheli dak jmel ragued" I putting again the issue of "heart control" on the table by quoting from the book I mentioned and called "Prière à la Lune" by Fatima Elayoubi:
"Pourquoi mon cerveau n'a-t-il plus la parole?
Qui commande et qui obéit?
Ma tête a reconnu qu'elle était le gardien de mon coeur.
Je suis fâchée avec mon coeur.
Quand je pense à lui, c'est juste un coin au fond de moi.
Je vois un petit coin, trop petit.
Avant, il y avait des fleurs, des oiseaux, des arbres, un paradis, un jardin qui n'était pas fermé.
Quand j'étais fatiguée, j'ouvrais et je regardais ce coin."

selma said...

c beau! when I try to look inside my heart or listen to it..I feel dizzy and need air... there are so many contradictory, painful, bitter sweet, sweet (tout court), mingled and strong emotions, feelings, memories and aspirations that jump to my face..eager to be listened to, believed in and analysed thouroughly again and again...Gosh!! why can't we forget what we want and need to forget, never repeat our mistakes again and learn to open our hearts to only those who deserve... iwa chtiii!! yak goulna kheli dak jmel ragued!!

Kaoutar said...

Fouad >>> Très beau, thanks for sharing! And bravo for what you wrote about the book in ur blog(and about women and development also;)). Very inciting to look for the book and read it. I hope it's available in Morocco!

Selma >>> Euuuh I see a writer showing up there! Strange how such emotions as pain and sadness can give us that push to write!!

(I don't know if you agree with me but I always have the impression that sadness, deception, pain, etc, create stronger motivation to write than positive feelings!!).

betta said...

salam to all,
Alors comme on dit: Great Minds Think Alike ou les grands esprits se rencontrent.
Kaoutar, let me thank you once more for having invited my to your blog, I really appreciated reading your current post.
t is amazing &wonderful.
It is most wonderful to meet with you all, still I don't know all!!:)) anyway, I like the expression that says: strangers are just friends you don't know. It is really the case now.
this morning was a very bad morning for me, why? one of my customers succeeded to get me angry, a thing that rarely (so as not to say never) happen to me, as I always keep myself on the "high promode" and try not to lose temper. Now i can't work when I absolutely have to work, so started to think what could help me to get out of this state, your big world learner, Kaoutar, could. Thank you and keep on writing, some good surprises could happen to you in the future. it sounds like horoscope sayings.... surely I am not a fortune-teller:))) nor horoscope-addicted!!! but I believe some good surprises may arise thereupon

selma said...

I am sure Betta (again, who's Betta? derni rassi)is right! and to quick things, please find attached (virtually, to Kaoutar and to all of u guys)a strong dose of positive energy.. mmmmmmmmhhh (je me concentre) voila! i'm sure u do feel better now (je sé, c arrogant et naif comme tout!) and will have a great afternoon, even me, 'poor little thing' (euh..that's to be me ze3ma!) stuck with the most annoying, nerve breaking, longest and less gratifying task ever to be ended by tomorrow, how? ma3reft! If only I could call les sept nains et les fées pr m'aider!! zen attitude is the magic (2) word people!!

betta said...

hi again,
u all r still away:(
my answer, kaoutar, to ur big question: we have no control over anything, we are simple actors in this big world (but one more question: is it really big world or is it just the result of our imagination/conception of what is big,..... :)))
Back to your reflections on who/what controls whom/what; I recently read : "والله خلقكم وما تعملون" Surrat Assafat which made me think a lot. So far, my mind (or so as not to be possessive, I say the mind which is part of the body of the person I am:))) anyway, so far, my mind used to be limited to the fact that we, physically speaking, are the creation of allah, but I never reflect on the fact that our actions, deeds, thoughts, feelings,..... are also the creation of allah.
So, as a good life example, how many times, do we vainly try to stop ourselves from saying things we wouldn't say if we could really have good control on ourselves....
(to be continued)
dima dima betta

betta said...

Chkoun ana?
go back to my first message on the translation article, u will find the answer about who I am

Mr "S" the anonymous said...

It seems that the silly thoughts of a sunday afternoon provoked a huge philosophical debate. Amazing how easy and complex answers to the question who controls wom and what can be.

Kaoutar, had lmerra diri chi post 3efriit o khelli nnass ykhedmo. Khelatha Selma khelli hado ljimal raguedda. Fiyaqtiho o nadt l7ay7a 3endek flblog.

Tbarkallah 3likom all for ur insightful comments . Iloved following the discussion.

Fouad: I liked ur blog a lot: Keep up the good job.

fouad said...

Thank you Kaoutar, thank you Mr "S" the anonymous for your encouragement.
It's really a great pleasure to exchange ideas with you all.

Kaoutar said...

Betta >>> Merhba bik anytime :) It's a pleasure to read you again & to know that our discussion here helped u forget about an annoying incident!

Concerning good surprises let's see it from the perspective of "tafa'alou khayran tajidouh", so who knows ;)

"We are all actors in this big world": I agree.

The "big world" for me is big in size, in power & influence, in its endless changes and surprises...

Your reflection on the fact that Allah is the creator of both our physical and emotional sides is interesting. You know.. books would be written (and are already written) about notions as "jihad annafs", "kadm al ghayd", etc, things related to emotions and the way we are aske to "control" them...

TO be continued as u said :)

Kaoutar said...

Selma >>> Too bad! I've already tried to get the help of les sept nains but found they were also stuck with some freelance
work! -_-'

Mr S the anonymous >>> I see that "silly posts" are more gratifying that "t3efrit" ones :P

Fouad >>> A sidi we're saying just what we think :)

Mr "S" said...

A Lala Kaoutar , rah li Naass fi ma y3chqouna madahibo. Lmohim , 7na baghin Post 3efriiiiit o safi.
Wakha fl7aqiqa 7ta what u call " silly post" are not really silly and are very interesting to read and follow-up closely too.

Still waiting :) u know for what :)

selma said...

Ah oui!!je ss d'accord avec Mr S the anonymous!I can't wait for a new "3efrit" post of urs!!
et hta ana im still waiting Kaoutar... and working (on that most annoying, nerve breaking, longest and less gratifying task ever to be ended by 6h today!) to go out to real live and see u!!!!!!! Hourrah!!!!!!!!!!! vivement le weekend!!!!!! aji? makaynch kifach ndirou (chi sit in oula chi haja) to have a 5 days-weekend? just wondering... ;)

fouad said...

salamou 3alikom

Selma for the 5 days weekend sit-in or demonstration or whatever, count me in.
Kaoutar everybody seems to be waiting for a 3frit post so I found myself too waiting though I don't know what I'm expecting it to be lol
Have a wonderful weekend you all o Allah ye7fedkom, goulou amine.

Kaoutar said...

Mr "S" >>> I know for what ur waiting... Godot :p

Selma >>> I'm replying after our meeting!! It's a pity it was just a rumour!

Fouad >>> Ameeeeeen! Allah y7fedkoum koulkoum aussi!! Fouad, juste pour info, if u wanna know what a "post 3frit" means, go back to January 2007 and read my post entitled "Attraction". That was the first post to be discribed as 3frit;)

Bon weekend!! :)

fouad said...

Kaoutar, OK I've read it and I have to admit you got me lol I rally thought the "he" refered to a guy and by the end of the story I was like "WOW I'd never be that bold and daring as to go talk let alone kiss some woman with her boyfriend or husband beside her" then came the punch line. What can I say EXCELLENT. Now I know why they call it 3efrit post, o hta nti 3frita m3a rassek.
I totally understand the effect that little boy had on you and your story reminded of one of my own. Some years ago I was going through a terrible break-up (actually the worst ever but as Selma would say kheli dak jmel ragued). Anyway one day, as I got out from a CD store I sat down just outside the store and put the music I just bought on my player and started listening to it. I was feeling so down and depressed every bit of me was aching and my heart was in pieces. I was so absorbed by my sad thoughts I had paid no attention to the people surrounding me. Then at one moment I felt something entering my field of vision. It was a little boy, 3 years old, I noticed him just before he put his arms around my neck and give me a kiss. It was so unexpected, so wonderful, so...words cannot describe what I felt at that moment. His mother was even more astonished than I was, she just looked at me with a smile and said:"he never does that". I just looked at the little boy with tears in my eyes and said "thank you".

Mr "S" said...

The Godot that I am waiting for will definitely come one day or another, so I will keep waiting :)
Wa rani lasqa s3iiiiiiiiiba

selma said...

Hello everyone!!
Fouad// I am happy that little angel managed to cheer u up!it actually works for me too when a bird choses MY window to sing/make noise/(u pick)instead of staying on his tree! lol! kids and birds can feel sadness and pain I presume!
I hope that phase is over for u!
Kaoutar/I LITERALLY LOVE UR BLOG (and u even MORE if it was possible.. :))!!
Have a nice week u all!This blog is a real source of positive energy! as many has said: keep up the good job!

Kaoutar said...

Hello everybody! Sorry for my absence!

Fouad >>> A really touching incident!! :) I imagine it was one of those small moments of blessing we are sometimes offered during harsh times...

All >>> U'll find next a new post, but sorry to disappoint you : it's not a 3efrit one!! But who knows, inspiration might come at any moment ;)

betta said...

come on, why "small moments of blessing ..."??? there exist so many, we just need to look for or open our eyes:))) To any positive its negative and vice versa.
but, I must admit we all do feel so sometimes;((, but u know what! indeed, it's during harsh times that we appreciate better the moments of blessing we come across.
by the way kaoutar, I experienced sth similar to ur american's friend story of the basket...I had low spirit state, and to avoid long-time effect, I woke up for dawn prayer which I followed by some prayers & quran and all of a sudden, I felt an indescribable peace mixed with an amazing cleaning effect sensation, filling me with happiness like I have never felt in my life...... ewa allah yasmahlina, we are so much focused on trivial sides of life that we rarely pay attention to the treasures we own
ne croyez-vous pas que nous disposons d'une source incontournable d'énergie renouvelable?!

betta said...

read this joke, it made me smile today:
messmar (nail) tzouwej bmessmara guess what they gave birth to???..................see below

selma said...

Betta// I received this story on my mail last week, and it says it all I think about that feeling u've had.. I'd like to share it with u it plz!

An old American Muslim lived on a farm in the mountains of eastern Kentucky with his young grandson. Each morning Grandpa was up early
sitting at the kitchen table reading his Qur'an. His grandson wanted to be just like him and tried to imitate him in every way he could.

One day the grandson asked, "Grandpa! I try to read the Qur'an just like you but I don't understand it, and what I do understand I forget as
soon as I close the book. What good does reading the Qur'an

The Grandfather quietly turned from putting coal in the stove and replied, "Take this coal basket down to the river and bring me back a
basket of water."

The boy did as he was told, but all the water leaked out before he got back to the house. The grandfather laughed and said, "You'll have to
move a little faster next time," and sent him back to the river with the basket to try again. This time the boy ran faster, but again the
basket was empty before he returned home. Out of breath, he told his grandfather that it was impossible to carry water in a basket, and he
went to get a bucket instead. The old man said, "I don't want a bucket of water; I want a basket of water. You're just not trying hard enough,"
And he went out the door to watch the boy try again.

At this point, the boy knew it was impossible, but he wanted to show his grandfather that even if he ran as fast as he could, the water would
leak out before he got back to
the house.

The boy again dipped the basket into river and ran hard, but when he reached his grandfather the basket was again empty. Out of breath, he
said, "See Grandpa, it's useless!"

"So you think it is useless?" The old man said, "Look at the basket."

The boy looked at the basket and for the first time realized that the basket was different. It had been transformed from a dirty old coal
basket and was now clean, inside and out.

"Son, that's what happens when you read the Qur'an. You might not understand or remember everything, but when you read it, you will be
changed, inside and out. That is the work of Allah in our lives."

Kaoutar said...

Betta >>> Thanks for the joke :):)
I talked about "small" moments of blessing not "few" moments :) Small in the sense that they might seem unimportant 4 some people (like a child coming and giving u a kiss), but which can mean a lot at particular moments.
And u're completely right concerning the wonderul shelter we have but tend to forget!! :)

Selma >>> Beautiful:) thanks for sharing!